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Living with an Addict - How to Avoid Becoming an Enabler

Functioning Not Thriving - How to Recover from a Loss

In life there are many times when things do not go to plan and sometimes we are left feeling sad and unhappy but we still carry on as if everything is fine.  We think we are coping but in reality we are just functioning. There are many behaviours that we exhibit when we are in this state, I have listed a few below.

  1. Self medicating - taking prescription or non-prescription drugs to make ourselves feel better.
  2. Drinking - not necessarily excessive drinking but often daily drinking to help us to relax, sleep or forget.
  3. Inappropriate relationships -getting involved with people who are unavailable emotionally or already married.
  4. Job hopping - changing jobs often, sometimes voluntarily and sometimes not.
  5. Careless personal hygiene.
  6. Watching hours of TV, playing video games excessively causing neglect of other duties.
  7. Gambling that has a negative impact on the quality of life.
  8. Poor eating habits, eating quantities of unhealthy foods, such as bingeing on chocolate.
  9. Finances - poor money management.

I know this is a long list of problems but they can all be experienced after the loss of a loved one, the break up of a relationship, loneliness, isolation or bankruptcy to name a few situations.

If you are exhibiting these behaviours you may feel fine and you may be functioning but somewhere inside there is a person inside you who is hurting. If your goal is to feel better, it is necessary to find a way to gain back control of yourself so that you will feel better. You may not realise that something is wrong but you know that you can do better.


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Life is a labyrinth of roads, some dark and some light. The light roads are the best.

How do you regain control of yourself and your life?

Replace your negative behaviours one by one, with something else. Sometimes it can take a while to be able to do this. It is said that if you get a divorce after 10 years of marriage it will take 5 years to recover, This is a long time but I can say from personal experience that there is some truth in this.

Here is my list of replacement behaviours that will make you feel better.

  1. Sing whenever you can.
  2. Dance -take dance lessons if you need them.
  3. Learn a new skill such as to play an instrument.
  4. Take up art, painting or pottery are good ones to start with.
  5. Take up some form of exercise -yoga is great for mind and body.
  6. Go back to school to learn a new skill or train for a new career.
  7. Take as many vacations as possible.
  8. Learn to cook some new healthy recipes.
  9. Replace the alcohol with some other beverage that is less harmful.
  10. Join a club where you can meet other people with similar interests and ideas.
  11. Find a time each week to work on a budget and savings plan.
  12. Find a life coach to keep you motivated and to pursue your new tasks and goals.

Change may happen slowly but with determination it is possible to turn the situation around and thrive once more.

To discuss how I may help you, please email me at [email protected], Pauline Courchene, Life Coach.

College Advisor: I have worked in education for many years teaching business and information studies and advising students on which college program to take and which university to attend. I have helped hundreds of students with college applications. If you need a life coach to help you with anything related to education, please email me at [email protected] I can help you to set goals and give you the benefit of my experience.

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